Science fiction story placed in Amazon reviews

User Whisper placed a science fiction story in the reviews for the AudioQuest K2 terminated speaker cable (on sale for $6,800, or 20% off):

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

PLEASE! You must listen! We cannot maintain the link for long... I will type as fast as I can.

DO NOT USE THE CABLES!

We were fools, fools to develop such a thing! Sound was never meant to be this clear, this pure, this... accurate. For a few short days, we marveled. Then the... whispers... began.

Were they Aramaic? Hyperborean? Some even more ancient tongue, first spoken by elder races under the red light of dying suns far from here? We do not know, but somehow, slowly... we began to UNDERSTAND.

No, no, please! I don't want to remember! YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME REMEMBER! I saw brave men claw their own eyes out... oh, god, the screaming... the mobs of feral children feasting on corpses, the shadows MOVING, the fires burning in the air! The CHANTING!

WHY CAN'T I FORGET THE WORDS???

We live underground. We speak with our hands. We wear the earplugs all our lives.

Do not use the cables!

The user's other reviews are disappointingly mundane. Via these sites.

Kite flying (link roundup)

Kite riders by Aurelie Neyret, who has original art on sale here.

And a few more links:

1. Author's wife exposed as writing negative Amazon reviews on competitors' books. Via.

2. A highly-desirable job in Los Angeles is tour guide at Universal Studios - - guides get access to free acting classes and auditions with top casting directors.

3. Dune started out as an article about Oregon sand dunes called "They Stopped the Moving Sands." Via.

*Previously: Paul Atreides Lego CubeDude.

*Buy Dune posters at eBay.

Star Wars billboard (link roundup)

Star Wars travel poster from the Clone Wars episode Lightsaber Lost. Via.

And a few more links:

1. Amazon is giving away Kindles to some users.

2. Heroes star Hayden Panettiere is allegedly dating 6'6" 33-year-old boxer Wladimir Klitschko.

3. The NY Times ran an article about Christina Hendricks (and other actresses), criticizing her as a "big girl" and accompanied the article with a photo manipulated to make Hendricks look squatter.

*Previously: Pan Am travel poster.

*Buy travel posters at eBay.

Fierce, obese cat (link roundup)

Video of a fierce, obese cat. Via.

And a few more links:

1. Plush Splurk. (It's even cuter than the obese cat.)

2. An author responds angrily to negative Amazon reviews. Hilarity ensues. Via.

3. Splicer cosplay.

*Previously: Cat being fed with chopsticks; surprised kitten.

*Buy Bioshock toys at eBay.

Sarah Palin + Catastrophe

Funny juxtaposition as Amazon recommends Sarah Palin's new book Going Rogue: An American Lifeas a deal with a book called "Catastrophe." Via.

Three Wolf Moon t-shirt more popular than I had realized

Obama, Steve Jobs, and Moses all show off their favorite Three Wolf Moon t-shirt - - you can buy the shirt or see more customer images at Amazon. Via.

*Previously: Plush Steve Jobs.

*Buy vintage Macs at eBay.

George Washington flexes (link roundup)

George Washington flexing for a Little Big Planet sticker pack by Jim Unwin. See also: Boudicca, deformed T-Rex, and owl with frikkin laser beams for eyes. Via.

And a few more links:

1. Disturbing Batman illustration by Todd McFarlane. Via.

2. Squig cake (Warhammer). Via.

3. It's long overdue that I linked to items tagged Amazon WTF.

*At Toycutter: Warhammer 40K custom action figures.

*Buy painted squig miniatures at eBay.

Nightmare on Elm Street poster (link roundup)

Nightmare on Elm Street poster via these sites.

And a few more links:

1. Bunch of new stuff on sale or available for preorder at Tenacious Toys including plush donuts and Uglydoll Glow-in-the-Dark Ice-Bats.

2. Here are three articles to get you up to speed on the depressing corruption arrests in New Jersey. The scandal involves mayors, rabbis, money laundering, and the sale of human body parts.

3. Allergy warning on package of eggs warns that the package "contains eggs."

4. Article says Zappos didn't want to sell to Amazon, but was forced to by venture capitalists.

*Previously: Rally Rabbi bobblehead.

*Buy Uglydolls at eBay.

Lego anglerfish (link roundup)

Lego anglerfish by Danny Rice. See also Lego squid and Lego black hole monster.

And a few more links:

1. Seems like this is asking for trouble - - a Colorado District Attorney, Stan Garnett, is using Twitter to discuss an ongoing murder trial. Via.

2. It's getting tougher and tougher to adopt Chinese babies. Among other things, parents must be must be married, be under 50, not be clinically obese, not have taken antidepressant medication in the past two years and not have any facial deformities. Via.

3. The LA Times posted some numbers about illegal immigrants in California: California has roughly 2.7 million illegal residents and they add between $4 billion and $6 billion in costs.

4. DeLonghi employee caught posting glowing reviews of DeLonghi coffee machines at Amazon.

*Previously: Anglerfish car.

*Buy Lego minifigs at eBay.

Buddha Papercraft (link roundup)

Download the Buddha at Borobudur Temple paper toy here. Via.

And few more links:

1. Despoiler brings word of an ARG about werewolves.

2. Photo of Colonel Sanders in a kimono offering watermelon. Via.

3. Good Fark headline: Swedish court says you can abort your child if it's a girl and you wanted a boy, or if it's a boy and you wanted a cthulhu.

4. Jason Kottke rounds up items at Amazon with terrific reviews. For example, uranium ore.

*Previously: ARG turns out to be elaborate rickroll.

*Buy werewolf toys at eBay.

Bee-Man (link roundup)

Bee-Man t-shirt design by TheArtySmarty. For a chance to buy it, vote at Design By Humans.

And a few more links:

1. You know what's funny? Scott McCloud criticizing the Kindle design because he believes the optimal shape of print is wider than tall. Why is it funny? Because his blog posts look absurdly narrow and vertical. Via.

2. The Verizon MiFi sounds spectacular. (I'd never buy a iPhone because Verizon is so superior to AT&T.) Via.

3. Like I said about Jared Diamond, beware of scientific conclusion based on anecdotal evidence. Malcolm Gladwell's latest article (like much of his writing) is apparently easily disproved.

4. Enjoy the reviews for this $220,000 diamond ring on sale at Amazon.

*Previously: Stunning diamond necklace - - only $25.

*Buy jewelry at eBay.

Snake-Eyes/Voldo mashup (link roundup)

A gothic, s&m version of Snake-Eyes by Miguel Angel Lacal.


Snake Eyes by ~Artlacal on deviantART

Via.

And a few more links:

1. Beware scientific conclusions based on anecdotal evidence. Famed writer Jared Diamond (and I didn't care for the two books of his I read), is now accused of more or less manufacturing "evidence" to support his theories of cultural development.

2. Giving the 2D sprites of Donkey Kong some width.

3. Amazon now says they won't tolerate paid reviews. It's really been one problem after another for Amazon recently, and seemingly largely on account of poorly trained customer service reps. I know my family's experience with their customer service has been terribly frustrating.

4. Contra Costa County in California has announced it won't prosecute misdemeanors (due to budget problems).

*Previously: Cobra propaganda posters.

*Buy Snake-Eyes toys at eBay.

Bird with headphones vinyl sticker (link roundup)

Bird with headphones vinyl sticker on sale at Etsy. Via these sites.

And a few more links:

1. Amazon apparently will tolerate paid reviews, but won't tolerate reviews pointing out that the other reviews might be paid.

2. ABC has a new sci-fi show based on the book Flash Forward and apparently plans to heavily promote a tie-in ARG website. This looks like a good place to watch the developments.

3. Gizmodo is hiring.

4. Owen Thomas mocks Boing Boing for praising Comcast - - their new sponsor.

*Previously: Flash Gordon style Lego spaceship.

*Buy vintage radios at eBay.

Clockwork dinosaurs (link roundup)

Clockwork dinosaurs t-shirt by J. Rose available at Woot. Via.

And a few more links:

1. I noticed the growing Twitter outrage over the weekend about Amazon allegedly excluding books with homosexual content from their sales rankings, and am now glad I didn't post about it. (I fell for enough April Fool's Jokes.) It was apparently a prank by a hacker, who took advantage of the fact that Amazon (used to) allow people to flag content as inappropriate. Although Amazon says it was a cataloging error.

2. I'm pretty sure I want a copy of the Big Little Book Aquaman Scourge of the Sea.

3. Dan Piraro describes the time a reader claimed to have seen the face of Jesus in a Bizarro strip.

4. Some useful tips on creating an eCommerce site.

*Previously: Clockwork Headless Horseman.

*Buy cuckoo clocks at eBay.

Lego Koala (link roundup)

Lego Koala by Mick "Count Blockula" Crowley.

And a few more links:

1. Bruce Schneier says you should teach your kids to ask strangers for help - - because most people are actually pretty decent, and if you're the one choosing who to contact, you have a pretty good chance of avoiding someone dangerous. An interesting point that seems obvious in retrospect. His article also describes several interesting services, including one for providing alibis.

2. Former WWE wrestler "Test" was found dead at age 33.

3. The cover to a new Hitchhker's Guide to the Galaxy novel. Relatedly, here's an XKCD strip that should be made into an official part of the Kindle ad campaign.

4. Axe-wielding sides of meat, made out of Lego.

*Previously: American with 10 alibi witnesses convicted of murder in Nicaragua.

*Buy plush koalas at eBay.

Used condoms on sale at Amazon?

No, this is not photoshopped. Via.

*Previously: Snow White and Seven Dwarves condom ads.

Amazon has posted a photo gallery and review of J.K. Rowling's new ultra-limited edition book

We're incredibly excited to announce that Amazon has purchased J.K. Rowling’s The Tales of Beedle the Bard at an auction held by Sotheby’s in London. The book of five wizarding fairy tales, referenced in the last book of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, is one of only seven handmade copies in existence. The purchase price was £1,950,000, and Ms. Rowling is donating the proceeds to The Children's Voice campaign, a charity she co-founded to help improve the lives of institutionalized children across Europe.

The Tales of Beedle the Bard is extensively illustrated and handwritten by the bard herself--all 157 pages of it. It's bound in brown Moroccan leather and embellished with five hand-chased hallmarked sterling silver ornaments and mounted moonstones.

Enjoy these first images of the book. We'll be adding reviews of each of the fairy tales and more photos of this beautiful object as we can get them up in the coming hours (if you want to be sure of a link that will permanently work, use www.amazon.com/beedlebard). For the curious of mind, Amazon editors are now taking questions about the tales from all comers on our discussion boards (located further down this page).

Link.

Amazon customer reviews of the Bic ballpoint pen are hilarious

When the initial excitement of taking delivery of my new pen started to wear off I realised that I shouldn't just write for the fun of it, this should be a serious enterprise, so by the second day of ownership I started to take a little more care of what I wrote. I used it to sign three letters, and in each case was perfectly happy with the neatness of handwriting that I was able to achieve.

...

On the third day of ownership I went on a trip to London and took my pen carefully packed away in my brief case, but I needn't have worried, this isn't some temperamental ink pen that leaks when you store it at the wrong angle. I sat at my meeting and confidently removed the cap from my pen and it wrote flawlessly, almost immediately.

...

Upon receiving my order, I carefully opened the box and dug through the packing peanuts in order to get to the pen contained therein. 'Beautiful!', I thought, and promptly opened up my moleskine notebook to jot down to myself some notes. My previous pen had ran out of ink four weeks prior and I didn't want to splurge on expensive shipping, which meant I had a lot of notes to catch up on writing.

But, when that quality carbide ball touched the surface of the paper, it was not ink that came out. From a distance I heard the screams of men and the cackling of innumerable ravens. I stopped, cold and sweating profusely. I looked down at the Bic Crystal black medium ballpoint pen which I held in my hand, only to see darkness. I dashed it against the wall, recoiling in horror. I saw in the corner of my eye my faithful notebook, which now lay on the ground. Once unmarred, I saw now the small mark which I had made with the devil's own pen. It spread across the page like a plague, and looking at it I gazed upon true horrors. For, what I thought had been ink was in fact a portal to a dark, unforgiving dimension. A portal whose maw was now widening to engulf all hope and joy in the world.

'God, what have I done?' I exclaimed as I weeped and fell to my knees, 'What have I done?'

Link. Via.

Useful links round-up

9 better, cheaper ways to search Amazon. Link.

How to secure your computer, disks, and portable drives. Link.

2,000 free website templates. Link. I'm partial to this one.